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Well I'm not going to hide

This week I've repeatedly insisted, is complicated but at least I do, I feel bad that I see wrong and hide from visitors and others.

But NO, not my fault being so, it may be silly to others but the disease is attacking him on all sides possible. And if you look at it this way, this was a side that had not yet attacked hard on me. But he did.

Sometimes I feel it is right to give him face to anyone, I can not. But those who really want to have shown me that it does not matter, even if in the foul and are 5 minutes I see is enough to give me encouragement. And as I said before is not my fault, is a moment that occurs.

few weeks ago my friend Rachel invited me to a party, after a week I said no, but then I thought, when will be together again and elegant then? And wait some to marriage as not
Linis
Then call and said we recíbanme with sebas and cárguenme guy like a drunk to a chair and there I stayed all night. So was I put on my tie, a curious fact that I sign the shirt before I pointed out the swelling, and my dress, my shoes and I was nearly new. I had a great although I would have liked to dance with Linis.

Arriving Sebas and I were Linis , Saluted and then Rachel came Dianas. We're old and I love to see those differences that make us unique, the same as the 14 years we became friends. Only now are more evident. Ate and provide

was a good night, and showed me that I should not hide from the world. Not my fault to be as I am and if it was not packed and I have to hide.

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aware of another reality

I'm in the chemotherapy room, in another area other than I normally go, lol get it late and almost no chair, which made me think that usually are beyond our reality.

words, although I've been more than a year in these, there are still things that I am aware, there are several equally heroic stories like mine.

We are like the activist blinded you think it does for your community and do not realize that there are other lives around him and his different realities and that of those around you, also do what they can to get ahead and make a difference. (Not I think of a better example oops.)

I said today I painted the hair, I may be the last time I do, and I looked good to go to chemo. Not that this is an event for me and I intend to make a fashion show would be in the moment and in the wrong place if you intend, but I assume so. As the song says Melody "before dead simple "and that's my point of view.

We can not live that life, as I have nobody repeating ninguneo us for more on us to be unclean.

My example is the clothes I wear I can hardly me, but I bring my best trousers and a bright red shirt. Like many I see here who are well groomed, as if to say to life. If so what?

There are others like you or ask anything to life, and let the disease take part of their will to live.

There are others with a very nice smile that causes infected. Most are elderly, not if you do not see that life has more chance for them. That life is full of possibilities, even to live from the disease.

I will not delve into in the discussion of "you do not know about my life" I think at this point no matter what our history think in the end no matter the destination but the journey.

The fact is that with my eyes I see another reality that was foreign to me and fills me with desire to get ahead, I will not explain why, but I shake and hear me say ... no.

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I have two issues to tell, both are equally important and math so the order of the goods does not alter the result.

yesterday Well it turns out that three of my friends came to visit, with I am a friend and from them 8th. Grade bone can say that we know very well. They are George, Oxcar and Diego, and we talked about everything, everyone is different bone that we have different views towards life, but unites us something stronger. I missed the other Oscar, C-arlos and Luis and would have been complete, but I think seeing them three was enough.

often I turned to my family as a reason to stay alive and they are, what happens is that yesterday in the midst of the rescue mission they did for me, living there was a reason.

My friends and other friends who does not get jealous, is that yesterday I realized that whether we talk about having lived so long and sharing it is sufficient reason to try again. Having so many things to say not only about life, became my new reason to get out of this emotional bajonazo had.

other hand ... I have fans I can not believe it is something that clearly is time for Anita, the Joker, Carlos Mateo, Iiris, Derly, Azariel My family, among others (because if the names one by one not finished). What happens is that acupuncture a few days ago, someone wanted me to know and a few days ago someone added me to Facebook and said I was a fan of mine and my writing and I had met casually.

Apart from the daily comments leave me posts. That

nice way to realize that much remains to be live and tell.

For now I'll take that to continue fighting, q insist is not above were not suficienteo that my family is not, only that these things have crushed me, slapped me and made me to be back on line John and Sophia, the "no-matter-what", sometimes I lose.

I thank you all for me is out of the emotional hole that was ... Thank you and excuse me for not naming them all is that many more. Downloads

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fillings that I'm tired of losing and giving

1.0

This is something I need to do, kick the lunchbox, complain, vent. If someone does not agree tell me. And if you are sensitive to this sort of thing continue.

Today I am doing a count of what I lost because of illness, and I realize I'm alive to tell which.
Tired of giving and giving, a story of what being alive? This is life? I'm not bedridden but almost, I have lost the ability to speak but almost, I have not lost the ability to think, but hardly do. I know there are people worse
And what, I'm wrong and I am aware of all that I lost.
Was I going to win a lottery after this?, I'll be giving away a pair of wings? I will become a gray?

First I gave my stability and quit my normal life, then quit my face, my
Independence, sometimes to my dignity (when I drain the drool), my ability to smile, to mourn ... no I do not want.

Somebody explain to me what is the reason why I wake up every morning, at first I thought it was a sin that paid, then I thought it was a new way of living and teaching, now just do not understand.

be that I will have to swallow my words when I heal? Will I'll be a martyr? Or just a fighter who got tired of so much senseless battle?

Somebody explain.

I do not understand, good people good things happen, I am a good person, this is good? I think it took more than a year watching the positive side of everything, now I can not. Try and try and not make it, and nothing was or if I want to be right or wrong.

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After both confused and talking with friends. Then go to my aunt's house and fall on how much room I entered. After feeling something more than fear. Make a decision stupid and obvious.

I will live every moment he is alive. And now. I'm fine in a week and months are not either but I am alive and somewhat well.

I am making use of my positive thoughts and those things that will not let me detach myself from here.

As would Fangoria'm travesti radical plan and how is it, "I give back to any sign of sadness"

Be a day, two, a month or whatever God has planned for me I live but to my style. I said.

deterioration

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Today I made a decision not feel anything

Being aware that I have lived in the past week, and waiting for results of my tests, with a poorer prognosis, I think I'm ready to write the fourth chapter of this story, disappointment again knocking at my door and I've gotten used to make me strong against everything.

I do not feel anything, he planned to return to my life and ignore it but do not leave me alone. That tenant is winning the fight, I have already given everything I do not know what else to be done.

The tenant likes to scare but this time as it seriously, I have no desire to fight him, let him be q he pleases. Although there are several things I do and live like I feel nothing, or will to fight for it.

I have no desire to get better or worse I want to spend the days and now, insist it is no longer how to ask the miracle of God, I still believe in him but his plans appear to be different and there is no argument that it does change position .

resign and I can only hope what he wants, I do not know if this is a shock but because I'm tired. Only

I have to say thanks to those who have given me messages reasons. I have done what he can do the impossible, if you want but do not make me suffer. I'm not as strong

feel nothing, sometimes I get a little angry, what helped me be so right and try to be as good person? Now do not get it. I just want to sleep all day and filled with things I like.

I do not deserve a revealing dream? An appearance that I clarify it? What we called in my marketing class customer service, we believe in you and that's it?, Not divine wisdom is not me. To tell me that things in front.

not like I feel empty, but I have no fear.

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Sometimes I feel that my emotions will win

Sometimes I feel that my emotions will win my reason, these days I q I hate to be as I am, these days I think is not fair to have to gain powers that others have and waste. These days I think there are people trying to kill while others try to live, these days I think what my life would be if none of this had happened, I wonder if those days would not have been better to die and save me so much grief.

Sometimes my dreams are reborn from the ashes, someone make me want to be normal, I do appreciate what could be done before and not now.

my tears Sometimes these things remind me daily that were previously difficult to achieve now.

A veces no me resigno a haber perdido lo que perdí, entiendo por qué tenía tanto afán y me gustaría no tener que vivir esto. A veces ya no se cómo mas pedirle el milagro a Dios, creo que él se ríe de mi escondido detrás de alguna espesa nube.
A veces dejo de ser yo y dejo que mi ánimo y buena vibra se tomen un descanso. A veces no estoy de acuerdo con tanto sufrimiento en mi familia. A veces le pregunto a Dios ¿por qué mi felicidad no puede ser completa? ¿Nadie puede ser feliz y tranquilo?. Antes tal vez o sufría por mi salud sino por otras cosas.

Quiero esta vez decirle a Dios o a la vida, ¡¡¡déjenme en paz un ratito!!!, ya estoy mejor pero no estoy bien completamente. Sometimes I think about my grandmother, I ask her patience and wonder how did she do to support?

is another of those gray days where I have many questions and not a single response.

What everyone tells me patience, but you do not already know what I'm waiting.

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my reason I'm dedicating a song

And more weird and bizarre as this I think I deserve it, I've earned it. And we always hope that someone else does. And why not ourselves? "Enamored" of ourselves and give us gifts. This song I feel that I deserve something more after a year of battle.


As a book Do not know the final
And what scares you read
Thus life is.


When you're born you're exposed to the pain already
And little by little, value
achieve growth.

[Chorus]
And like a heart
book teaches us that there is fear
What's failures and evil
What's battles to win.

And on every page
We love
fighter becomes ordinary and discovering
Not a hero like you.


Few who venture out of love
But you have faith
And that is everything. Do not fall


To live is to learn
And there is nothing to fear
If you believe in yourself.

And like a heart
book teaches us that there is fear
There are failures and evil
What's battles to win.

And on every page
We love
fighter becomes ordinary and discovering
Not a hero like you.


Only God Knows Where and when? Life will tell

I've done it only a dream

all will know how to win?.

And like a heart
book teaches us that there is fear
What's failures and evil
What's battles to win.

And on every page
We love
fighter becomes ordinary and discovering
Not a hero like you

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If I had not been who Fear

These days I thought many things because I have some free time. Among these is, what would become of me if it was not what I am?. I start with my options when I left the school wanted to study opera singing and visual arts.
If I had engaged in some of the two would be a little insane, first lyrical song would have been terrible because I lost my voice, and coordination in my movements, playing a character would have been a challenge to play someone designed to me.

Then there are the visual arts, and how I lost my coordination for nothing, do not think there might have been much created a new form of art, the unimane or something.

Now I can realize why life brought me here. Not that I think my life was written to reach this moment. Except that it all makes sense now why my friends are my friends, I chose my career, why work where I work.

Everything now makes sense and if I had taken other directions my suffering would be different. But not, fortunately I managed to build a life and get achievements I am proud.

Even people I've met at different times in my life and with whom, by twist of fate, I stopped talking, they have become characters, people I teaching and learning are no longer important in my life.

If I was not who I am, my life would be different.

had succumbed How about professions like acting or dancing. That would have been a trade unionist or a speaker, the mechanical or construction were my passion. I miss taking pictures and singing, but both were hobbies that I should sacrifice.
With the life I am who I am and so I'm very happy, there are things I would have liked to be or do, but that I have a life to live these things whether in short bursts.